You're NOT Over-Mentored, You're Imperfectly Mentored!

TLDR: Debunking the assertion, "Women are over-mentored and under-sponsored." The fact is that women are imperfectly mentored and under-sponsored as a result as. Here are 3 steps to asking for mentorship that can earn you sponsorship.

Have you seen books and articles positing the idea that women are over-mentored and under-sponsored? 

I have.

They make me furious!

The problem isn't that women are over-mentored. It's that we're imperfectly mentored!...and as a result also under-sponsored.

We are imperfectly mentored because even though most managers perceive women as under-performing men in the areas of business, financial and strategic acumen, most of us receive no mentoring that helps us become more Business Savvy. I call this PIE Mentoring in my book, Make the Most of Mentoring.

Instead we are mentored on becoming more confident, achieving work/life balance, adjusting our attitudes (it's not personal, it's business), resources to tap and people to connect with. This is what I refer to in my book as CAKE Mentoring.

Has this been the case for you? It sure was for me.

The True Value of Mentorship and Sponsorship

Mentorship and sponsorship aren't two separate sets of activities. Mentors can become sponsors, and sponsors can be people who mentor you. The relationship IS NOT an either/or, it's a Venn diagram.

So it's important to understand the value of mentorship and the value of sponsorship and not to talk about "mentors vs sponsors."

Mentorship experiences are delivered by people who help you identify and work toward your career aspirations.  They often:

• Provide guidance and insights
• Teach skills
• Share their own experiences so that you can learn from them

Sponsorship experiences are delivered by people who:

• Encourage you to apply for open positions
• Advocate for your candidacy with hiring managers
• Talk up your potential in succession planning meetings
• Mention your leadership strengths to colleagues

Here's the thing. The same person can be doing both at the same time!

And here's an Insight Spark:

The only way to gain sponsorship is to earn it!

Let's Talk about Mentors

While mentors have traditionally tended to be more senior people, they can also be more junior people who have a particular skill set that you would like to further develop.  The important thing about mentors is you don't have to rely on just one.  And it's extremely valuable to have mentors inside the organization who can guide from a perspective of "the way things are done around here" and mentors outside the organization whose only vested interest is in your success and not that of the overall organization. 

Another important truth about mentors is that  they can enter your life in two different ways. 

1. One is that they recognize something in you and choose to want to support your career success. In this way,  it's also true that your manager can be a mentor.  He or she  can  devote  additional developmental time  to your  skills.  And  they too can,  they too can invest additional time into helping you develop your skills.
2. The other way that mentors can enter your life is through your proactive initiative.

Take Action to Gain a Mentor

Having been approached many times to be someone's mentor, I want to tell you that the way  to  proactively seek mentorship is not to ask, "Will you be my mentor?"

Chances are most of the people you would want for a mentor from are extremely busy.  An open request like, "Will you be my mentor?" will feel daunting. It doesn't explain either what you want help with or a time frame. And many people who are approached like this are thinking, "Oh my God. This is  a commitment of an indefinite time period and I don't know what I'm in for.

So instead, if you want to proactively seek mentorship, I recommend:

1. Do an assessment and be clear about the most important skill area for your development. For our purposes you know that I will suggest something in the areas of business, financial and strategic acumen. Not only because most women need them, but also because most managers will only spend social capital sponsoring people they see as partners in the business.
2. Identify someone who you know is highly skilled in that area. 
3. Approach them with a very specific request such as:

"Hi Pat, I am working on developing my leadership skills. I've identified that I need further.  Expertise in the area of financial acumen. I've seen you present at our All Hands meetings,  and you tell a compelling story about the financials.

Would you be  willing to spend three sessions with me focusing on a high level understanding of our financial reports?  How you convert those numbers into a compelling story, and what I can do at my level to further develop my financial acumen" 

Now Pat might say yes, in which case you can celebrate. Or Pat might say no. In the case of no, you could follow up and ask, "Are you saying no because it's a busy time for you, and you might be willing to do this at a later date?  if so when?  Or  you might follow up by  asking, "is there anyone else you would recommend I approach for this kind of work on financial acumen?"

Now, if you've listened carefully, you've seen that I have not used the word mentorship at all in this request or in the follow up. 

Let's Recap

If you are going to ask someone to support your career journey in the role of a mentor, make sure your request is:

1. Grounded in an assessment of your learning/development goals.
2. Specific, not vague. An open request like, "Will you be my mentor?" will feel daunting.
3. Time bound, not indefinite

And that you have a ready response to either a "yes" or a "no" answer.

Catch you next time,

Susan

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