TLDR: Women often face unfair criticism for being "too emotional" at work, while men's emotional outbursts are often overlooked. To combat this, we must marry passion with business savvy, grounding our ideas in business realities.

You're Too Emotional

Have you ever been told you're "too emotional?"

I have.

I dare say many women have. 

It's something that I've never heard said to or about men, even when they have screaming fits or slam their fists on tables, or yell at their staffs. There's nothing we can do about that, but there is something that we can do about being seen as "too emotional."

I'll never forget my boss, Bob Johnson who, in a performance review, said to me, "You're too emotional." 

At the time, I was seething. Proof positive that - in a way - he was right.

What that Really Means

With hindsight and more business savvy, what I have come to understand is that what he was really saying was that whenever I made a point or argued for a position or disagreed with an action; my rationale was based on statements like,

• it's not right, or
• it's the right thing to do, or
• Wouldn't it be a good idea if or this really needs to be changed.

I never had the business smarts to be able to ground my opinions, my ideas or my  innovative suggestions in business reality.  

What Could be Different?

Now this is something that you can begin to do.

You can say things like,

"I firmly support this idea. Not only is it the right thing to do, but it will have this impact:

• on the bottom line,
• on our profit margin,
• on our efficiency and productivity,
• on our customer retention metrics.

The way you do that is begin to understand the sustainable business cycle and then move on to a deeper understanding of financial reports and organizational strategy.

I'm NOT saying we should avoid being passionate about things.

What I AM saying is that it's important to marry our passion with our business savvy.  When we do, we come across as authentic and powerful when we don't, we come across as "too emotional."

An Aside

Most women would never do the emotional things that men do. That's because while it is considered acceptable for men to demonstrate their anger, it's not considered acceptable for us.

In lieu of expressing our anger, sometimes we cry out of fury or out of frustration and also out of hurt. Sadly, in most organizations, it's not acceptable for us to show those emotions either.

I have a theory about that. You know how they talk about men's brains and women's brains? Women's brains are an interconnected abundance of experiences. Insights and ideas.  And men's brains are separately boxed off experiences, insights, and ideas.  I think it's It's very difficult for men to themselves be rational and cry. That's why they think we're not being rational when we cry. Whereas women - with our interconnected brains and strong connections between two hemispheres - can quite easily be both crying and rational.

I'm rambling off the subject a little bit.

Let's Recap

1. Many,  women get feedback that we're "too emotional"
2. This feedback rests on a gender dynamic that says that it's okay for men to be angry, but it's not okay for women to be angry...or to cry.
3. While we can't control the perceptions that others have about whether or not we're "too  emotional,"we can control how we present ourselves in order to lessen their opportunity to think that we are too emotional.

What's a Woman To Do?

If you have received feedback that you're too emotional, 

1. Think about what the basis for that comment. Were you making points that didn't get heard? Were you being reasonably passionate about an idea you were promoting?  Or about an idea that you were countering.  
2. Once you've identified this situation or situations that have given rise to that feedback, think about how you might have come across differently if you had presented your idea or made your points with a grounding in your clear understanding of the business, its finances, and its strategy.
3. if you feel like you don't have the business savvy to ground your ideas in your understanding of the business, it's sustainable cycle, it's value creation chain, what's happening in terms of financial performance. or connecting what you're saying to its strategy; then begin to develop your business savvy. We're always here to help and there are also ways that you can do it on your own.

4. I know from my own experience that it hurts and is infuriating to be accused of being too emotional.
   Reacting from those places of anger or hurt is sure to simply reinforce the perceptions of the person who is giving you the feedback.

   If ,and/or when, you get feedback that you are "too emotional," take a deep breath and say,

   "Tell me more. I would like to understand. What behaviors of mine cause you to say that and the context in which you observed this."
   
   Do this not to argue back - as hard as it's going to be - do this to help you go through steps one, and two, and take action on step three.

Marry your passion with your business savvy for the sake of your career!

Catch you next time,
Susan