3 Things to Know & Do About Confidence, Self-Worth & Fear

TLDR: If you feel low self-esteem or lack of confidence it's not YOU, it's the toxic goop poured on you by misogynistic organizational cultures.

• Clear away the goop!
• Ground your confidence in your Business Savvy
• If afraid, go for it anyway!

#SelfConfidence

An esteemed colleague wrote to me, "For people w/low self-worth, the advice in your book, No Ceiling, No Walls, is like an excellent recipe, but they can't bake the cake because they're too terrified to light the stove."

That got me to thinking about Self-Worth, Confidence and Fear. Here's what I wrote back:

-------

I just stumbled across a comment you wrote @me a while ago: "My clients are talented, hardworking women who become less confident…even as their skills and experience deepen."

This is a reminder that lack of confidence & self worth comes in two forms:

1. Unworthiness/lack of confidence deeply rooted in childhood trauma & repeated abusive messages (clinical)
2. Self-worth/confidence as a flame that was once roaring and is now smoldering beneath a dousing of toxic corporate cultures (learned)

If their lack of self-worth/confidence is more clinical, your analogy about lighting the stove is spot on.

But it sounds like the women you describe have "learned low self-worth/confidence."

1. 👉 Toxic Cultures ➡️ ➡️ Learned Low Self-Worth & Confidence

It's no wonder women have learned low self worth and confidence.

I'm reading The Authority Gap by Mary Ann Sieghert. I love/hate it because it drives home ALL THE MANY WAYS that behaviors directed at women cause a decline in confidence and self-worth.

When low self-worth or lack of confidence is learned, the fault isn't within US, it lies with the toxic waters we swim in!

2. 👉 You Can Clear the Goop, and 🍰 Bake the Cake

I have a slightly different analogy for women whose self-worth or confidence was once a bonfire now turned to cinders under a fire hose of workplace anti-women toxicity.

For these women, what I see is that the leadership success formula in No Ceiling, No Walls (NCNW) is the recipe. But they can't use it because bullies have dumped fire retardant (goop) all over it.

Before using the NCNW recipe, they have to first SEE the goop for what it is (a manifestation of the misogyny of managers - internalized by both men and women) and then intentionally clear it away:

✅ "It's not me, it's THEM. I will remain UNCONQUERED."

3. 💪 Push Through Fear with Courage

We have to want success enough to move through and with our fear. Trying to ignore the fear or to "be unafraid" is useless. That just feeds it.

What works:

✅ Take action in spite of fear - courage

✅ Gain clarity about the fear:

✔️ What's the worst thing that can happen? How realistic is that? How can you use your capabilities to deal with it if it does?

✔️ How will you feel if you don't try and someone else succeeds?

✔️ What's the best thing that can happen if you go after it? etc.

I'd wager anything that the "Fearless Girl" is not fearless.

She's courageous and unconquerable!

She's' emboldened by the flames of her bonfire of self-worth.

She's confident in her recipe for success.

What's a Woman to Do?

1. Look at microaggressions (e.g. being mannterrupted, not acknowledged as the authority in the room, being mansplained)  as manifestations of the misogyny of the aggressor, not statements about you. Macro-aggressions (e.g. inappropriate touching and other sexual harassment/assaults) require other actions.
   
2. Let clarity about who's the problem drive your self-perception to, "It's not ME, I'm UNCONQUERED."
3. Embrace fear for what it teaches then walk through it with your eye on the prize.

Catch you next time,

Susan

PS Was this of value to you? Share the content with a colleague or friend so she can benefit as well.

Go Deeper Links:

• Send me unique and transformative career advice: https://www.bebusinesssavvy.com/BusinessSavvyNewsletterOpt-In
• Help me Turn Career Advice from Flawed to Fantastic!: https://www.bebusinesssavvy.com/lead-magnet-7-career-tips-keeping-1   
• I Want to Build Business Acumen: https://www.bebusinesssavvy.com/build-business-acumen
• Let's connect on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susancolantuono/